‍Mercy Masika’s upcoming marriage masterclass has reopened a familiar conversation about what it takes to be a good wife. But decades after African women writers began interrogating marriage, are the expectations changing, or are women simply being asked to do more?

In 2026, women can run companies, manage households, pursue careers, own property, earn their own money and make decisions about the lives they want to lead. They also lead in conversations about financial independence, equal partnerships, emotional intelligence and shared domestic responsibilities. Yet, somehow, we are still having conversations about how women can become better wives.

What exactly are women getting wrong?

That question has resurfaced following the announcement of Kenyan gospel singer Mercy Masika’s Becoming a Wife masterclass, a seven-session programme organised by Women of Light Ministry and scheduled to run from 21 November to 12 December 2026.

The programme is designed for women interested in building marriages according to biblical principles. Its advertised themes include biblical marriage, the dynamic woman, building, intimacy and spiritual warfare. Among the announced speakers are Lady Bishop Kathy Kiuna and Dr Sue Munene, who is expected to lead a session on marital intimacy.

The announcement has generated considerable discussion online, with reactions ranging from support for the initiative to questions about why women continue to be the primary focus of marriage preparation.

Media personality Janet Mbugua was among those who questioned the emphasis on women learning to become wives, asking where the equivalent masterclass was for men who want to become good husbands. She also raised concerns about the wider context in which these conversations are taking place, including gender-based violence, femicide and sexual violence.

Others, including media personality Mashirima Kapombe, defended Masika’s right to organise a programme for women who are interested in learning about marriage from a Christian perspective. Rachel Gitau also argued that both partners should be continually learning how to become better spouses.

The disagreement raises a question that extends beyond one masterclass: after years of discussions about marriage, gender roles and women's independence, what is it that women are still expected to learn about being wives?

And perhaps more importantly, have the expectations of a good wife changed?

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The ever-expanding job description of a wife

A few years ago, a Muslim colleague told me that she would not teach her children, particularly her daughters, that their father was the man of the house. I remember disagreeing with her. My Christian upbringing had taught me to understand men and women through distinct roles, and the idea that a man should be the head of the household was something I had largely accepted.

Her position challenged an assumption I had not spent much time questioning: why should the authority in a household automatically belong to one person because of their gender?

Over time, I began to reconsider some of the expectations I had carried into my own relationships. Even after stepping away from Christianity, certain ideas about how men and women should behave in relationships remained with me.

I found myself making allowances for men because they were men. I remember once discreetly slipping money to a boyfriend at a restaurant so that he could pay the bill and retain the feeling of being the provider. I was contributing financially, but I was also managing how my contribution might affect his sense of masculinity.

It was a small moment, but it revealed how easily expectations around gender can become part of the everyday negotiations of a relationship.

This is where the conversation about being a good wife becomes interesting. What are women being prepared for? Is it the practical work of building a healthy partnership, or are they being taught how to navigate expectations that have been attached to women for generations?

The modern woman is encouraged to be independent, educated, financially stable and ambitious. She is expected to have her own career and interests, and to contribute meaningfully to the household. At the same time, she may still be expected to be an attentive homemaker, a nurturing mother, an emotionally available partner and a supportive wife.

She must be strong, but not intimidating. Independent, but not so independent that her husband feels unnecessary. Ambitious, but available. Confident, but respectful. Financially capable, but careful not to undermine the traditional expectation that a man should provide.

These expectations are not universal, and couples negotiate their relationships differently. But their coexistence raises an important question: are women being given more freedom to define their lives, or are they being asked to fulfil traditional responsibilities while taking on additional modern ones?

Have the goalposts moved, or have more been added?

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African women writers have been asking these questions for decades

Long before the current debate, African women writers were examining the expectations attached to marriage and the consequences for women who did not, or could not, fulfil them.

In Mariama Bâ’s So Long a Letter, Ramatoulaye reflects on her marriage following the death of her husband, who had married a second wife. Through her correspondence with her friend Aïssatou, she examines love, betrayal, polygamy, motherhood, faith and the social expectations surrounding marriage.

Published in 1979, the novel remains a significant exploration of women's experiences within marriage. Ramatoulaye's reflections reveal the emotional complexities of a relationship shaped by cultural and religious expectations. Her story also considers the choices available to women when the terms of marriage change without their consent.

Bâ does not present marriage as an institution that women must abandon. Instead, she explores the different ways women experience it, and the compromises and decisions that shape their lives.

Flora Nwapa approaches the subject differently in One Is Enough. Its protagonist, Amaka, leaves an unsatisfactory marriage and attempts to establish an independent life in Lagos. Her decision challenges the assumption that remaining married is necessarily the most desirable outcome for a woman.

Amaka's story is particularly relevant to a conversation about becoming a wife because it considers what happens when the role no longer offers the security, companionship or fulfilment expected of it. It also examines the social pressures women encounter when they choose to leave.

In Second-Class Citizen, Buchi Emecheta explores the conflict between a woman's ambitions and the expectations placed on her within marriage. Adah wants an education and a professional life, but her aspirations repeatedly encounter the demands and limitations of her domestic circumstances.

More recently, Peace Adzo Medie's His Only Wife has explored marriage through the story of Afi, a young Ghanaian woman whose marriage is arranged partly to serve the interests of her husband's family. As she navigates her new circumstances, Afi begins to recognise her own ambitions and desires.

Across these novels, marriage is not presented as one uniform experience. It is shaped by family, religion, economics, culture and individual choices. Their protagonists do not all arrive at the same conclusions, but their stories reveal the many negotiations involved in being a wife.

Perhaps that is what makes these books worth revisiting in 2026. The question of what makes a good wife is not new. What remains worth examining is why the question continues to be directed so heavily at women.

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What does the Bible say about being a good wife?

The religious dimension of Masika's masterclass is also important. For many women, marriage is not simply a social arrangement; it is a commitment shaped by faith and religious values. Biblical teachings consequently play a significant role in how they understand their responsibilities within marriage.

Proverbs 31 is frequently cited in discussions about the virtuous woman. The passage describes a woman who manages her household, conducts business, buys property, trades goods and speaks with wisdom. She is industrious, resourceful and involved in the economic life of her household.

It is an interesting portrayal because the woman described is not confined to domestic responsibilities. She is economically active and exercises considerable agency. Yet her accomplishments are also understood in relation to her family and household.

Ephesians 5:21–33 is another frequently referenced passage. It begins with an instruction to submit to one another before discussing the responsibilities of wives and husbands. The passage subsequently addresses wives' submission to their husbands and husbands' responsibility to love their wives sacrificially.

Christian traditions interpret these passages differently. Some emphasise male headship, while others focus on mutual submission and partnership. How these teachings are understood can influence what women are taught about their responsibilities in marriage.

But there is a question worth asking: when churches and religious scholars discuss marriage, how much attention is given to preparing men for the responsibilities described in these same teachings?

If wives are expected to be respectful, supportive, nurturing and committed, what qualities are husbands expected to demonstrate? How are men taught to share domestic responsibilities, communicate, manage conflict, support their wives' ambitions and participate in the emotional work of a relationship?

Marriage preparation that focuses on one partner risks leaving out an important part of the conversation.

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Are we preparing women for marriage or preparing marriage for women?

One of the recurring themes in discussions about marriage is the idea that women need to learn how to keep a marriage together. They are encouraged to communicate better, understand their husbands, maintain intimacy, manage disagreements and create peaceful homes.

These are valuable conversations. Healthy relationships require effort, patience, compromise and a willingness to understand another person.

However, these qualities are not exclusive to women. A marriage cannot be sustained by one person's ability to accommodate the other. Nor should the responsibility for resolving conflict, maintaining intimacy or keeping a household functioning fall automatically on the wife.

The question of provision is another example of how expectations can become complicated. In some relationships, men are expected to provide financially while women manage the home. In others, both partners contribute financially and share domestic responsibilities. There are also households in which women are the primary earners.

None of these arrangements necessarily determines whether a marriage will succeed. What matters is how the partners understand and negotiate their responsibilities.

But the cultural expectation that a man should be the provider can create its own tensions when women earn as much as, or more than, their husbands. How do couples navigate that reality? Does financial independence change the power dynamics within a marriage? And are women expected to contribute financially without relinquishing the traditional responsibilities associated with being wives?

These are not questions that can be answered by simply telling women to become better partners. They require conversations about the expectations both people bring into a marriage.

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So, what are women still getting wrong in 2026?

Perhaps the question itself needs examining. The continued popularity of conversations about becoming a wife might suggest that women are missing something, that there is a particular formula they have yet to master.

But what if the difficulty is not necessarily that women do not know how to be wives? What if the challenge is that the definition of a good wife is neither fixed nor universally agreed upon?

For one woman, it may mean building a home grounded in faith and traditional roles. For another, it may mean an equal partnership in which responsibilities are negotiated. Some women want marriage and motherhood; others do not. Some find fulfillment in homemaking, while others prioritise professional ambitions. Many want a combination of these things.

There is no single experience that can represent all women.

And perhaps this is where the conversation should move next. Instead of asking women to conform to a particular definition of wifehood, we might ask what makes a marriage work for the two people entering it. What responsibilities are shared? What expectations are negotiated? How do partners accommodate each other's ambitions, beliefs and changing circumstances?

The question is not whether women should learn how to be good wives. Women who want that guidance should be able to seek it. The question is why the responsibility for learning how to make a marriage work so often appears to rest disproportionately on them.

As the Becoming a Wife masterclass approaches, the debate offers an opportunity to revisit questions African women writers have been exploring for decades. Their books remind us that marriage has never been a straightforward experience, and that the expectations placed on wives have always been shaped by the societies in which they live.

In 2026, perhaps we should be asking not only what women are still getting wrong about being wives, but also what we continue to get wrong about marriage itself.

Tracy Ochieng is a staff writer with Books in Africa. tracy.ochieng@ekitabu.com

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